Because He said so ... that's why!

Yesterday I was thinking about the verses, Matthew 6:33, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you," and Luke 11:9, "Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened unto you." When I thought on these, I heard God ask me, "Are you really seeking me?" I heard him say, "You were seeking a husband. You were seeking a child." This really struck a nerve because I was seeking those. I was all in and my heart was after them both. I don't remember the last time I was seeking God with the same earnest. I'm on a road to absolute trust. He's rebuilding the foundation. Father knows what's in my heart. I've been keeping my husband and child in my heart instead of laying them at the foot of the cross, trusting Jesus. "Why would I take the child away that I gave you?" he asked, "Why would I take the husband I placed in your life? Trust in me … completely." I have no idea why trusting God completely meant (to me) him taking "my most prized possessions," away from me. They are not my possessions. They are both sons of God. (Luke 12:34 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." - deeply convicted). I was missing the order, His order.

This past Sunday, our pastor mentioned people who stand on the edge of the road holding a sign that says, "Will work for food." I have great compassion for the least of these. I couldn't stop picturing Jesus standing there holding that very . . . same . . . sign. How would I react then? The truth says some have entertained angels unaware. (Hebrews 13:2) I speculate a lot of people have been set before my eyes as a test, yet an opportunity to show God's love. 

My mind wanders in and out of service. My "design" is restless for a reason. Eternity has been set in my heart (Ecclesiastes 3:11). I thought about how alone I've felt in the lobby of our church. Instead of feeling lost and out of place, I've decided to start moving through that feeling instead of focusing on it. I will start seeking a face that looks as lost as I feel and "find" them. I wanted to smoke this morning and God pointed me to my promise. "Every time your tempted," he said, "remember your promise as a sacrifice to me." Creed had a lot of tummy issues when he was born. He was almost always spitting up simultaneously through his mouth and nose gasping for air. I was worried constantly. I prayed to God promising I would never take another drink or smoke another cigarette if he would save my son. There were times when he couldn't breathe at all … truly the most terrifying moment I've ever had. I'd like to say I've forgotten that promise now and again, but that would be inaccurate. I've blatantly disregarded it at times. Those words can never be unspoken. I not only remember, but it's what keeps me at the foot of the cross from time to time. He is my strength and gives me grace to move through many situations unscathed! I remember how I felt after I would smoke. The enemy would get me to do it and then berate me for giving in every time. I literally felt it physically. I craved it. I was addicted. I loved it and hated it at the same time and now walk in freedom. 

This morning I was pondering on my first portion. Was I giving God my first portion? Was I giving God my first portion of the day … my first portion of income? Or was I giving him the leftovers, if there was any left over at the end of the day. By giving God my first portion of today, I was able to hide verses in my heart. I had the grace to speak in a soft tone and did not overreact. For a little over a week I've put into motion, the Duggars' tradition of reading Proverbs everyday according to the day of the month. Today's portion stayed with me. Proverbs 7: 2-3 " … Guard my words as your most precious possession. Write them down, and also keep them deep within your heart." It's pretty cool that there are 31, one for each day of the month!

It was three weeks ago I started the Bible Study Fellowship. I finished reading over the notes for this weeks lesson and love that I still find it interesting instead of mundane. I love that God promised to put His spirit within those who believe Him. He gave me a new heart and a new spirit. With His spirit in me, he moves me to follow his decrees and be careful to keep his laws. His spirit enables us to repent and gives us the desire to obey Him. I want to obey Him. With his truth I'm gaining knowledge little by little.

Trust . . . and Obey.

Because He said so … that's why!

I'm looking forward to this week's Day 6 Creation. (God makes the animals) There's some pretty fun days ahead! Finally a new color, green. Our book of the week is, "Goodnight Gorilla," by Peggy Rathmann. We're lucky enough to have it in book and DVD form. We really enjoy watching books come to life on screen. Scholastic has a large assortment available and one can usually rent them from your local library.